The Perfect Family Moment

Last Christmas I watched my daughter put up the colored lights on the outside of our new house.  I looked at the home I have dreamed of all my life – and I suddenly got a sinking feeling in my stomach.  It all sort of hit me at once.  I wanted this Christmas to be PERFECT.  It just had to be perfect.  I NEEDED it to be perfect!

But then a funny thing happened.  As my daughter debated between red lights and green lights I thought of our electric bill instead of how beautiful it would all look.  later that night we built a fire in the fire place and as my son asked for hot chocolate I wondered when I would find the time, and money, to go holiday food shopping and how much it would cost to have a cord of wood delivered. 

I realized right then and there that those mortgage ads lie.

The tout home ownership as a rewarding, comforting, thing that will give you security.  Well we were living the life – we were sitting around the fire playing board games and toasting marshmallows to make ’smores with.  But the lady in the commercial version of our tender family moment didn’t walk into her laundry room during a commercial break and find the hot water tank leaking like I did.

Note to self: buy the home warranty next time.

*sigh*

All I want is a perfect life and a perfect family and to be perfectly happy.  Why is that too much to ask?  Where are the perfect family moments I was promised?

*sigh*

So I sip my hot chocolate and I reflect on my life these days.  We have the new car, the new house, and I just got a new laptop for my birthday.   I have a great job – really two great jobs.  Since I decided to pay down some debt I am working an extra job and devoting that money to debt reduction.  I am so responsible it makes me sick …..

Anyway, back to reflecting.  My life these days is a domestic whirl of baking, cleaning, house repairs and improvements, and getting my daughter ready for college.  I don’t see why she needs to think about college right now – after all she was only five years old yesterday.  As she drives off in my new car to meet her friends at the mall I have to fight the compulsion to tell her to lie down so I can check her diaper.

*sigh*

But I must admit – for all the pressures – life is good.  I worry about that perfection thing a lot though.  As Christmas approached I realized I had a great opportunity to really make our first Christmas in our very own home special.  But I only had one chance to make the decorations perfect, the pies perfect, the cookies perfect, and the dogs to sit in a row and howl – on key – to Jingle Bells – uh, on cue of course.

I wanted to believe in Santa again (though I never really did) and I wanted to have a snowball fight on Christmas morning on the front lawn with the kids.  Is that too much to ask?  (Did I mention we live in Texas?)

So what do we conclude from the mass of neuroses I have dredged up? 

Several things: 

1. First – I suspect I am not alone in my eternal quest for the perfect family moment. 
2. Second – I bet I am not alone in having two jobs either. 
3. Third – I am grateful, grateful, and more grateful for what I have.  God knows I am forever grateful for all he has blessed me with these last few years.

I think the best lesson we can take from all of this is that we are all human – and humans don’t always focus on what they should – so don’t beat yourself up about everything. 

After all – I have what everyone who was honest with themselves would admit they wanted – two great children who don’t smoke, drink, sneak out the window at night, sass me, hit me, take drugs, party, have sex, and dress like the walking dead or cover themselves with morbid tattoos.  I have the home I always wanted – not just a house – but a home.  A home filled with people who love each other and love spending time with each other.  I have one best friend, several close friends and a lot of good friends!  I have a wonderfully supportive Church family I care deeply about. I have my health.

As I pull out a pen and start making a grocery list I keep reminding myself – this is the life I always wanted.  I can relax (a bit) now.  Everything worth having comes with some pressure.  The perfect family moments will come and go – they will just be surrounded by not so perfect moments. My quest for perfection is a futile one.   Good enough is sometimes just good enough and we don’t really need perfection! 

Note to self:  Allow yourself to do the best you can – and leave it at that!